A few cheap, base suggestions...

You say Bama, we say...

...Jim Crow?
...hookworm?
...probation?
...Mike Dubose?
..."It's rollin', baby!"?
...food stamps?
...ham rolls?

A hard target, for sure.

I'm pretty sure "hookworm" is Arkansas.

Otherwise, yeah probably. I'll never do a drive-by beer-can heave at your tailgate Orson Swindle!

Tennessee:
"What's Offense?"
"Spurrier's my daddy!"
"SEC's new red-headed stepchild"
"Nice touchback"

Florida: "31-3!"

Auburn: "Field goals: 1-6"

Stanford: "U.C. Davis"

Oklahoma: "Who??"

Nebraska: "Who??"

You say Brodie Croyle. I say why would a southern man name his newborn son after a Stanford quarterback ??

Notre Dame: "31, 31, 31"

UCLA: DUI!

UCLA or Florida State: Wave the handicap parking pass.

Texas: Chokelahoma!

Bama: "Undefeated and impressing nobody"

You say "Go Vols"
I say "Grocery sacks"

You say: "Gig 'em"
I say: "Your coach has boobs."

You say: "Go Ducks"
I say: "Your mascot is a duck?"

"Go Spartans."
"Alert area couches! They are in grave danger!"

"Go JoePas!"
"We own... Penn State."

You say: "Go Gators."
I say: "Three straight, bitches/Ron Zook/old hippies."
Gainesville natives know, and avoid, said hippies.

You say: "Southern Miss!"
I say: "Brett Favre."
He beat Bama in '90 sans the Tide's Siran Stacy. Still, a p-i-m-p. Props.

You say: "War Eagle!"
I say: "Probation!"

You say: "BYU!"
I say: "Near beer!"

You say: "Gig 'em Aggies!"
I say: "Aggies wear jean shorts!"
Really -- my managing editor is an Aggie, and he rocks the jean shorts.

Go Noles!
"Ron Zook Field!"

(the first night the field at Doak was christened Bobby Bowden Field, they got beat by an already-fired Zook. We Gator fans stayed in Doak for an hour, waiting for the team and chanting 'Ron Zook Field')

On the matter of jean shorts: touche. But after Saturday, I might start to believe them as good luck.

You say: "Go Vols!"
I say: "go criminals!"

You say: "We Are Penn State"
I say: "What the hells a Nittany?"

You say: "War Eagle"
I say: "E I E I O"

You say: "Go Vols"
I say: "Yes. Orange is such a lovely color for convicts"

You say: "War Eagle"
I say: "John Deere"

You say: "Go Buckeyes
I say: "Maurice Clarett"

You say: "Gig 'Em!"
I say: "Keep him. We don't want em back"

You say: anything
I say: nothing. i hurl 3 opened beers right back
by the way, most of these 'comebacks' are pretty lame

You say: "Go 'Canes"

I say: Najeh Davenport just did....right in your closet.

You say:War Eagle!
I say: People's National Championship!

You say:Go Vols
I say: Go Fetch me some water from the crick

You say:Gig Em Aggies
I say: Where's my sheep!

You say: Geaux Tigers
I say:Go Hurricanes!

You say:Touchdown Jesus
I say:We just sacked Jesus and now he has a concussion!

You say: Go Razorbacks!
I say: That's weird you have a Dick AND a Johnson, but just one Nutt??

You say: Roll Tide!
I say: Damn Straight!

You Say: "Go Cal"
I Say: "Hook em Horns"

Keith: "You say: Geaux Tigers,
I say:Go Hurricanes!"

Ouch Keith. Ouch.

You say: "Go Buckeyes"
I say: "What are Buttguys?"

You say: "Boomer Sooner"
I say: ...actually, there really isn't any comeback I can make to better express the stupidity of that chant.